Welcome to “Hatler’s Hiccups”

But I Digress……

Saturday morning, September 12, 2014.

I’m on my way to 101.3 WCMT’s radio program, Coaches Corner.  This is the weekly roundtable with local high school football coaches. I was feeling pretty good about my first attempt at play by play the night before, but you never really know. People are nice, but is that just because they want to be, or are they being sincere?

My Granny, one of the most God fearing, and opinionated, women I know (my mom is the other one), calls to tell me she, “could have done without that comment you made” on the radio the night before. Of course, she did this after she praised me for the outstanding job that I did. Now, I know full well she’s is telling a half-truth, because there’s no way I was as good as she said, but she loves me, and that’s what grandmother’s do….but I digress…

The comment you ask???? I said “snot bubbles”. I said snot bubbles after Coach Gary Capers said that the hit we witnessed was the best we’d seen all night. I thought it was funny, Coach Capers thought it was funny, and apparently my audience liked it too, because my phone absolutely blew up….but I digress….

I received another phone call after Coaches Corner from my mom. She said the same thing Granny did….she didn’t like the fact I said snot bubbles either. She said, “You don’t need to say things like that.” She then proceeded to laud my performance….she was probably lying too, but that’s what loving mothers do for their sons.

So I decided to throw out on my Facebook page that I was “seriously considering” writing a blog. Within two hours, over 47 people “liked” my status, and 13 people commented that I should.!!

As we all know, the number of people that “like” your Facebook status, and even go as so far to comment on it, is how we measure our self-worth.

But I digress…..

After throwing that threat out there, I’ve been dragging my feet getting this set up.  I’ve paid my $ 70, so here goes….. BUT I’m going to lay some ground rules.

Just like my Sunday school class, I tell all visitors and new members the following:

“I drink a beer or 12 every couple of weeks, and have been known to drop the occasional “F-Bomb”. Always understand that I struggle too, and I’m not preaching at you, just know that I’m telling you what the Good Book says. I’ve got my own problems to worry about,  and I’m not interested in telling you yours.”

Now, that’s not entirely accurate. When wronged, I have shown this innate ability to call things like I see them. I have been known to lay it out there for church members, on church property, during church events/services. I’ve argued religion, and the adherence to it, at golf scrambles with a beer in my hand…….Not my finest moments, but I’m not going to be told that alcohol is a sin as you go through two cans of snuff during a four hour scramble for charity.

But I digress……

Back to the ground rules. I’m the smartest person in the room, just ask me. In this endeavor, I’m going to give my opinion, mostly revolving around the world of sports, but no topic is off limits.

If you don’t know the difference between your and you’re, or their, there, and they’re…we’re going to have problems.

If you’re one of the morons who stands at the top of the bleachers during High School games and rips the players and coaches, then blame the officials when your team loses, it’s going to get awfully uncomfortable.

If you run, have a sticker on your car, and talk about it incessantly, I’m going to make fun of you at some point in time. Running makes your feet, especially women’s, look nasty. Then you go and wear open toed shoes…nobody wants to see that.

If you enter through the exit door, and exit through the entrance door at Wal-Mart, you’re not going to enjoy this blog. That is just common decency. If you are so self-centered that you think that’s ok, well, there is just no hope for you.

If you don’t get satire and tongue in cheek jokes, I can’t help you. And, as my friend “Gina” says, “if your sense of humor has been surgically removed”, please don’t waste your time.

I don’t go on and on about my level of my devotion to the Lord. Don’t tell me that you can’t wait to see what God has in store for your life, then get drunk on Saturday night and miss church on Sunday. The least you can do is show up the next day with a hangover.

If you found the previous paragraph amusing, yet accurate, we’re going to get a long great.

I love my family, my friends, golf, the outdoors, Texas, Tennessee, and everything about UT Martin.

I despise selfishness, sour pusses, overt intolerance, fringe political views, and the use of the pronoun “we” when you have no vested interest.

If this thing crashes and burns, I’m ok with that. If the Weakley County Press puts me on retainer, then I can live with that too.

But I paid $ 70 for the first year, so I’m going to use this thing……but I digress………