Snow and Toenails

feet

I’m back….sorry it’s been such a long time, but things have gotten hectic.  Spring time is always so busy for everyone, and our household is no different.

But I digress…..

Do you remember when your mom told you not to pluck out one eye brow, because it would grow back thicker, courser, and crazy like?  Yeah, I didn’t listen to her either.  I spend a good part of my day with one hanging in my line of sight, licking my finger, and rubbing it across my eyebrow trying to get it back in position.  I know it’s gross, but you do the same thing, and don’t act like you don’t.

But I digress…..

Is anyone glad that winter seems to finally left ???  I, for one, am excited.  Not because of the cold, but because, for some reason, stupidity is heightened when it’s single digits outside.

Picture this:  Sunday before Snowpocalypse 2015, round 2.  Wal-Mart is packed after church.  I drop my bride off at the front door, so she can run in and get the last loaf of bread and gallon of milk.  Should take 10 minutes, tops.  I drive around the parking lot a few, then pull up to the left of the front door, off to the side, so she can walk out and get in.

Of course, 10 turned into 30.

During this time, there was a black Jaguar, XJ6 parked just outside the front door of Wally World, in front of me, engine running, no one inside.

I watched this for 20 minutes.

Finally, out comes a woman who makes two of me, in those awful multicolored stretch pants, Uggs, and pushing a cart with three plastic bags of groceries.  She unloads said cart, squeezes herself into her Jag, and drives off……..leaving the cart 15 feet from the entrance.  I know, because I got out and counted the steps while returning the cart back inside.

And don’t get me started on the phone calls from people wondering why we weren’t in school, “just because their road in town was just fine.”  Because you know that your 200 yards of asphalt is an exact replica of the 950 miles of county back roads……morons…..

But Spring brings it’s own set of problems as well.  Sleeveless t-shirts, jorts, tank tops, and finally, those awful new mom cut, acid washed blue jean high waist shorts.  Man those are awful.

But the worst are flip flops.

Really.

My feet are ugly, really ugly.  In fact, most guys feet are nasty.  As the male species, we should take the lead and end all footwear that exposes crooked toes, bunions, broken/missing toenails, cracked and peeling skin, and misplaced hair follicles.  If your toes look like you are crossing them to keep from getting cooties, please wear crocs.  No one with any self respect wears crocs in public anymore, but we will give you a pass to cover them up.

As a woman, if any of the above describes your feet, please follow our lead.

After all, everyone likes to go fishing in the summer, and we don’t need any competition for the fish.