Blinkers are Good


You Elf on the Shelf Facebooking parents are overachievers.  I admire your creativity and enthusiasm.  I just want to know how on earth you have time to make such a production out of his/her travels to, from, and around your house.


Our Elf, I don’t even know its name anymore because the girls keep changing it, makes a mad dash from room to room around 5:30 am.  I would assume a healthy marriage starts every morning with something other than, “DID YOU REMEMBER TO MOVE THE ELF LAST NIGHT!”

But I digress…..

When the heartbreaking day comes where my children learn the secret of the Elf’s magic, and how Santa can make a worldwide delivery in a shade under 24 hours, my kids are going to be sorely disappointed.  We try to teach our children to give good effort in everything they do, and we’re terrible at this elf stuff.

You know what I want to do with our elf??

I want to have our Elf on the Shelf holding a knife to the neck of one of the girl’s Barbie dolls, with a note that reads “Keep your $%*&+@^ room clean or Barbie dies!”

Or what about a bunch of burned up cigarette butts, with the explanation that the Elf is doing drugs because he’s disappointed in them for not eating all their green beans like their mother told them to?

Those would be epic.

I’d like to put that on Facebook, and see how many “likes” it gets.

But I digress……………………

Tomorrow, when you get in your car, I want you all to do something for me.  Take a look at that stick on the left hand side, that comes out from the steering column, right behind the steering wheel.  After you start your car, and before you even move it out of its parking spot, play with that stick.

I know you are familiar with it.  You use it when it rains.  You probably twist it so the windshield wipers will move back and forth, at variable speeds, across that huge piece of glass in front of you, to remove the build up of water.

That little stick has another function.  If you push it towards the roof of your car, it signals to all of those around you that you will soon be moving your vehicle to the right.  Push it down, you are moving to the left.

Go ahead, play with it a little and see how it works.  When done properly, you will hear a repeating clicking noise that corresponds with a flashing light on the front and back of your vehicle.  They are called Turn Signals, and are commonly referred to as “blinkers.”

Turn Signals, or blinkers, are a common courtesy.  It’s like waving to someone.  Think about it.  We wave at people for a variety of reasons.  To say “hello”, to let them know we are arriving, to show them where we are, or to get their attention.  Blinkers on your car serve the same purpose, they let everyone know you are here and where you are going.

People who use their blinkers, or turn signals, are good people.  They care about the safety and well being of those around them, and for the overall health of the human race.  They adopt abandoned puppies, care for the elderly, and mow their neighbor’s grass.

People that refuse to use their blinkers are anti-social, self-centered, egotistical, and probably enter Wal-Mart through the exit door.  They are also the same people who do not put the shopping cart back in the bin, which is located two parking spots away from the car in which that they do not utilize the turn signals.  They are also responsible for the carbon footprint, world hunger, Ebola,  and club baby seals for fun.

People that don’t use turn signals probably shouldn’t procreate either.  Let’s face it, if they’re not willing to let us know which way they’re going, they probably have no desire to point their children in the right direction either.  In fact, those people’s kids are the ones who will tell my kids about Santa’s magic.

I’ve got to go move this stupid elf……….where is Barbie, and where is my butchers knife?

3 thoughts on “Blinkers are Good”

  1. i never had an elf…only a father with a belt and a mother with a hand and words that could command my attention in a second’s time and there better not be a whine or my father with his belt would make me wish I was an elf on a shelf…..but I too digress….☺️

  2. Elf on a shelf annoys me to no end. However, the best elf on a shelf story I’ve heard was of an elf who put a dad outside on the front lawn to sleep. I’m sure his night out with the boys had nothing to do with his sleeping arrangement.

  3. If I didn’t know your age, I would swear that you are from my generation. But I know your parents and understand your “raising”……good stock, those Hatlers.

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